


Rock a Bye

by blakefancier



Category: Captain America (2011)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-25
Updated: 2012-08-25
Packaged: 2017-11-12 21:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakefancier/pseuds/blakefancier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Howard found Steve in the ice, twenty seven years after he went down?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rock a Bye

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been sort of blocked story-wise. This was me trying to unblock myself. Um, I'm sorry?

When Steve woke up, Howard was there at his bedside, looking thirty years older, hair greying, wrinkles around his mouth, worry lines etched into his face. Howard's eyes were the same though; a warm brown that made Steve's toes tingle and his fingers itch to hold a pencil.

Howard talked and Steve listened before drifting off again.

Every time he opened his eyes, Howard was there, hand in Steve's hair, or pressed against his cheek, or clutching his hand. It was comforting.

***** 

"You were gone," Howard choked out. "I thought you were dead. I was looking for your body. Steve, please, I thought—"

Steve closed his eyes and turned his head away; Howard fell silent.

*****

"Her name is Maria and she's wonderful. She's perfect. You'll love her, Steve. I know you will." Howard held himself still, his hands curling and uncurling in his lap, mouth turned down in a frown. "We have a son. He's two and… and you'll love him too." Howard swallowed hard. "Steve? Say something, please." 

"Why aren't you with them?" And it wasn't meant to be an accusation. No, he was lying, it was meant to be an accusation. 

Howard looked away.

***** 

"It was twenty-seven years," Howard paced the room, gesturing expansively. "I had to move on. I… I mourned for you every single day! You have to believe that!" Howard stopped and looked at him. "Do you believe that?"

"Yes," he said, smoothing down the blanket covering him. "But I don't know how that makes a difference. You think I'm mad because you moved on, Howard? Because you found yourself some dame to—" _To hide behind._ "—to love? I'm not. I'm glad you moved on. I'm glad you found someone to make you happy. You are happy, aren't you?"

"Of course." Howard smiled, but the expression didn't reach his eyes.

Steve looked away, bone-weary. "You should go home. You should… You should be with your family or… or at your office."

Howard sat on the bed. "I want to be here."

And that was the problem. "You got obligations. I'm not one of them."

"You are." Howard grabbed his wrist; if he were any other man, there would be bruises.

Steve pulled away from Howard's grasp and shook his head. "No."

"I still—" 

"No." Steve put every bit of authority behind that one word and Howard dropped his gaze to the floor. "Go home, Howard."

Howard nodded and rose to his feet. "I'll be back tomorrow."

He wanted to tell Howard not to bother, but he knew that Howard wouldn't listen.

***** 

Howard's mouth was hot against his and he let the kiss go on for a few heartbeats, enjoying the memories the gesture evoked, the emotions that were still fresh for him but should have been mere echoes for Howard. 

Then he pushed Howard away and scrubbed at his mouth. 

"Steve," Howard said, his voice husky. "I want to… I…" 

Steve shuddered and turned away, pressing his forehead against the cool white wall. "Want and need are two different things. I'm a memory, Howard. Let's keep it that way."

"Maybe I don't want to."

"You're not that man." He looked over his shoulder.

Howard lifted his chin. "What if I am?"

"Then you're not the man I knew." 

"Maybe I'm not." Howard's eyes grew hard and cold.

Twenty-seven years. "Maybe you're not," he whispered.

***** 

"I’m going to reenlist," he said.

Howard looked out the window, back straight, tension in his shoulders. "This isn’t a war we can win."

"You keep building the weapons." 

"They keep buying them." Howard sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"I'm still going to reenlist." He never backed down from a fight.

"Yeah, I know." Howard sounded tired.

***** 

"You should come to dinner."

Steve was getting tired of saying no.

"Please. Don't make me beg."

***** 

Steve was greeted in the foyer by a toddler with big brown eyes like his father and a plastic shield almost as big as he was. "You must be Tony," he said.

Tony looked up at Steve, his eyes glinting with mischief, and flung the shield at him.

So much for super soldier reflexes, the shield whacked him in the shins and he bit back a curse.

Tony laughed as the butler apologized profusely.

"It's all right," he said, picking up the shield and handing it back to Tony. "It was about time I learned how it felt from the other side."

*****

Maria was stunningly beautiful, like he knew she would be.

They shook hands and she looked up at him unhappily. Steve wanted to apologize, though he wasn't sure what he wanted to apologize for.

She cornered him later, after a dinner that was too quiet, when Howard received an important phone call. "I love my husband, Captain Rogers."

Steve pressed his lips together to keep from responding.

"I want to see him happy, truly happy, at least once." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I know he's not."

"I'm sure you know a lot of things, Mrs. Stark." Steve knew that Howard wouldn't fall for a stupid person.

"You're leaving and Howard has enough regrets. I think you do too."

That's all he had left.

"I'm going to be called away, Captain," she said, he voice trembling. "My mother's ill. I'll take Tony with me. Don't disappoint me. Don’t disappoint him."

When Howard came back into the room, she smiled in a way that lit up her face and Steve could see how much she adored him. It made his chest ache and his eyes sting.

***** 

Steve woke at dawn and quietly dressed. Then he sat on the bed and gently ran his fingers through Howard's hair, remembering a time when it wasn't peppered with grey, when Howard's face was unlined. He remembered a time when the smile reached Howard's eyes and promises that fell from their lips meant something.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Howard's forehead, then snuck out without saying goodbye.


End file.
